Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Camus: The chicken's mother had just died. But this did not really upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Plato: For the greater good.
Aristotle: To fulfil its nature on the other side.
Karl Marx: It was an historical inevitability.
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for who among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Thomas de Torquemada: Because of Satan's influence. Crossing the road is heresy. The chicken must confess to its sins in order to be saved. I'll call another Inquisition.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Oliver North: National Security was at stake.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it. Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
E.O. Wilson: Under the influence of a road-crossing gene, selected because it conferred a survival advantage in the chicken's ancestral line. We could conjecture, for example, that crossing roads represents the transfer of a behavioural trait whereby some chickens sought to distance themselves from rivals, thereby distinguishing them in the eyes of potential mates and increasing their reproductive potential.
Sir Edmund Hillary: Because it was there.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Pyrrho the Sceptic: What road?
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mishima: For the beauty of it. The chicken's extension of its sinuous legs sent shivers of a dark despair into the souls not only of the silently watching hens but also the roosters, who felt a sudden sexual desire for their exquisite comrade. The dark courage of the chicken was as beautiful as drops of dew upon jade at midnight, struck by a partial moon, its light filtered through clouds. One of the deeply aroused roosters could stand the intensity of the moment no more and bit off the head of the beautiful, courageous chicken-hero, whose wine blood was deliciously drunken by the road, and he died.
Johnny Cochran: The chicken never crossed the road. Some chicken-hating genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken's feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.
Lord Nelson: "I see no chicken."
John Wayne: "'Cause a chicken's gotta do what a chicken's gotta do."