My Loverís Mother died a day or two ago
We were not close,
For her I hardly know
Blessed release from Five years,
Trapped within her body
So now thereís tears.
For we whom life has taught to cope
The simple absence of our Mother can be endured
For there is always just a hope
That mothering missed along the way
Will somehow be returned to us in full
Itís the finality that tears the soul apart.
Never, Ever, will we feel held in our Mothers arms
And truly loved within her heart.
All hopes for Motherís love dashed, gone,
Buried deep or burned to dust
What was never ever full, now feels empty.
Gone forever, Lost.
And as for me?, I am composed,
I know this place, and am skilled in handling Mother loss.
I feel the cold automaton within me who knows too well how to cope.
I feel nothing, untouched by the unfolding tragedy around me.
And then, just as I am telling someone else the news, I lose it, completely.
A tidal wave of grief sweeps over me for a moment.
Lips struggling to shape the words.
Something within me is released,
Swept away by the brief flood.
I quickly recover my composure,
Imagine for a moment that it did not happen.
But my eyes wet with tears bear witness to the truth.
That something back in my forgotten mind remembered the emotion
That I forgot to feel when my own Mother died.
August 3rd 2007